BEING RADICAL!!

Today I heard a sermon I thought was specifically delivered for me... I heard every word and absorbed it like a dry sponge would absorb a drop of water... I literally felt as if my brain was a sponge.. anyways... some really thought provoking words.. and then here are the electrical impulses from my brain converted to some chain of words...

Jesus was a radical person... I believe he still is because he claims that he is the one who doesnt change. He stood and died for what he preached and practiced. He was not afraid to unleash his anger. He was not afraid to speak out against what he didnt approve of. He was outspoken. He wanted the world to know what he stood for. He wanted to make changes.. thats what being radical is all about. He was against legalism in the society prevalent at that time, and I believe he doesnt appreciate the legalism we see in our contemporary society either. We cannot be conservative Christians,we have to be radical. We have to act and start practicing what we believe in. Do we believe in Jesus Christ? Do we believe in the many rules and regulations laid down by our churches of today? The many variants in the name of denominations that we follow as modern Christians have their doctrines and then there are rules of conduct. Sometimes I feel, they are more like laws.. and we tend to follow them,which is not bad in most situations,and then there are times when these laws govern us when love should be the law.

A lot of times I find myself thinking of what would Jesus do.. in certain situations and circumstances.. and i find myself trying to decipher his personality and character from a psychological point of view and then sort of weigh his actions according to what i think I've found out.. He's not an easy person to walk with.. mostly he doesnt deal with things the way many of us would.. I dont want to say i know what his nature is.. because I dont know a lot.. but I have tried to take that image of him as GOD aside for the time being and focus on him as a human being who's walked this earth.. then it becomes easy for me to relate with him.. and try ... to be radical in his manner..

This is only the beginning... there are miles n miles to be covered... the journey I've embarked upon.. there are endless possibilities with him... and one thing I've found out is that if u walk with him.. you are nothing but radical.. changes happen with him.. and for good..

Aaarrgh!!!

Its almost 3 in the morning and I have to go to church.. I havent slept.. My head hurts... and my eyes are almost nystagmic... I hate the fact that we need to sleep.. i wish we could go on and on without sleeping and everything was still ok... I wish we could have pimpleless faces even after sleepless nights... I am so depressed... really depressed because I havent had a good sleep for the longest time.. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhh!!

Prayer..

I am reading a book by Bill Hybels - Too busy not to pray.. a book about prayer... I've read this book while I was in college.. in LHMC... Mark Delaney lent it to me and I lost it because I passed it on... and this time,it is Celine who's LENT it to me.. I am determined not to lose it this time... well.. thats not the important thing is...

My trouble with prayers is that unless it is something more or less equivalent to a miracle that I need.. I dont usually pray with my heart.. the chapter that I read talk about not praying because we think that GOD is incapable to doing things... I dont have that problem.... My problem is that I do believe that GOD can do everything.. my problem is that I usually assume he will not want to give me what I ask for so a lot of times I end up praying without actually hoping to receive what I am asking for unless I am asking him to make me pass an exam ( in that case, I summon all the faith in the deep caverns of my soul...ha ha ha)... The trouble is that he knows everything and can do anything.. and most of all,he knows what's best for us... so he ends up answering our prayers so as to suit what is best for us and not necessarily what we want or what we asked for...

I am a restless person.. I have realized this world is never going to be peaceful.. there will be wars.. people will die and it will be horrible.. and then there are the personal tragedies ... heart-matters... and then more of them.... I cant wait for the day I will die... the day I will have the Sweet Escape from the troubles of this world and then I will see the one I am praying to face to face... but before that... there are miles to go... millions to meet... and then .... there are fields ripe with harvest.... wheeeeeeeeeeee

Serenade of an insomniac!!!

Maybe departure is good,makes room for more... Some uninvited thoughts plague the restless mind. Sleep is a luxury long forgotten. Eyes long for some rest from all the hocus-pocus of everyday life..yet,deep slumber is some light years away.. Look away from anything that tells you time,you dont want to know.. it only adds to the misery of knowing you are far from the land of dreams. One of those rare moments you wish nothing around you was real... unreal is the wanted. Thoughts somersaulting their way through the sulci and the gyri.. like a pool of perfumed bubbles they make their way through the cracks n crevices in my brain... they are not allowed,yet they stay.. the heart beats to their rhythm.. dancing the night away.

I see the first beams of light escape the fibres of my curtain and I am sad... sad to the point of weeping... I still havent had a wink of sleep... my eyes are tired... yet my mind refuses to rest.. It is busy exploring the deep caverns of my memories and weaving one of its own.. Dreams are surreal... then somewhere between the awake and the dreaming... I am up again ... to face the world... I am sad... I cry.

some beautiful lines/lyrics i never want to forget

If you throw a stone,some thing's gonna shatter somewhere,
we're all so fragile,we're all so scared
Found a rose,but you cut your finger on the thorn (Cry Ophelia - Dawson's Creek OST)

I cant be a hurricane and still be standing strong when all the dust starts settling down
I cant take the distance ( The distance - Evan n Jaron)

I love the way you love but I hate the way i am supposed to love you back
.... I love the pain,a breeding ground for hate.. but Im not, not sure,not too sure
how it feels, to handle everyday.. and I miss you love (Silverchair)

Maybe departure's good,makes room for more
Maybe I'll fall in love and never learn (Black tangled heart - Silverchair)

Every drama is a hoax, with a little make-up and with mime you can become someone else.
But two eyes that look at you,so close and real,make you forget the words,confuse your thoughts, I love you very much,very, very much, you know,it is a chain by now that melts the blood inside the vein you know (Caruso -english translation)

Be careful what you wish for coz u just might get it all.. (Home - Daughtry)

Not myself

Suppose I said I am on my best behavior
there are times I lose my worried mind
Would you want me when I'm not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?
Suppose I said colors change for no good reason
words will go from poetry to prose
And I, in time, will come around
I always do for you
You're my saving grace?

LOL

Ka nui thaw mai... ka thil ziah ho hi ka chhiar a.. Ka va han thiam lo tak iam!!! Ka tawng thei viau na a chu... thil ziah hi ka thiam lo ani. MBBS zir kan puh daih teh ang.. sentence mumal siam lo hian answer ziah hi an pawm tlata...LOL... arrow nen... dash nen.. kan han ti kual vela... min ti pass tho sia...hmmm... DU thiamloh ani.

Laltetea jokes ngaihthlak a chakawm takzet ani.. thing tawk2... uih tawk2.. amah han nui khur chur2 se maw... parva pawh zu ah an chang zo mahna!!!

Dr.Estheri ( Lalchatuani ) han zai awr2 bawk se.. then leh thaw thin bawk se..

Dr. Becky za tawka an nui khur char2 te... ngawi vang2a,.... ri leh hak thin

Dr. Linda ( Hema Malini) titi siam2 pawh ngaihthlak a khat ta hle mai... thil ei tep chap2 pah hian han nui ar2 se... hmmm

Dr. Babie ( Lalchungluri ) muang changa titi te.... darthlalang hma a thil thleng thin zawng2 te.. hahaha..ka ngaihtuah pawh hian ka nuih a za..

Dr. Muanpuii leh Dr.Sangteii inbawl kual vel te... tute emaw chu an han inbawl nasa em2 khawpa, zan dar 12 velah towel nen ... khuallam bei zek2 mai mawle.. tu zawk nge ka sawi dawn lo..

Dr-wanna-be Evelyn-in an zin haw ... rail an chuan journey interesting ltk... Zonuna MAMC thinrim bawr vel an narrate chho vel ... thiam ltk mawlh te kha aniiiii..

Madiki (Mateii) erawh chu sawi tur ka hre vak ta hauh lo mai...

LHMC girls hostel west block room no 128 a kan titi lai Linin a lo record ruk awmna cassette kha khawnge a awm tak ang tih ka ngaihtuah mai2... Censored thil a tam khawp mai...

Chhei raw!!

Hmanlai chuan.... junior department kan nih lai chuan, chawlhni chuan sunde sikul inkhawm ban hian ka nu hian gorkhali nu ho thil zawrh leina tur hi cheng 2 hi min pe thina, duli in vur, cheng khatin alu leh papawr, duli in vainu chhangkual kan lei thina. Vaivakawn bazar an sak that hma hi ania. Thli hi a thaw nasa thei hle a. Vaivut hi a rawn len chho vaka,kan thil lei ngap tuar khawp hian an rawn thaw mai thina.. rulhlut kan pai lo kha chu kan lo vannei ngawt mai.

Vaivakawn field ah hian insual tura kal hi an la awm nawk bawka. A thlang KM High School chhak si, hnim buk velah hian tawm ru hi an awm ve ziah bawka. Lungte hian kan vawm thina. Kan veng biakin kalkawng phei vel kha an la metal bawk si lova, chawn a chat tha duh thin rap.

Chawhnu inkhawm ban chuan TV en. MTV Asian top 20 countdown Nonie VJ host ngei kha kan han ena. Everything I do,I do it for you - lar lai vel.. no 1 nih vel pap lai kha ani. A va lo rei ta em!!!

Ka lung a leng tlat mai..

Home

"Home"

Thinking back when we first met
I remember what you said
You said you'd never leave me
I let go of your hand
Built my castle in the sand
But now I'm reachin' out again
And I'm not letting go
Till you
Hold me
Mold me
Sometimes I feel so all alone
See, I gotta find my way back home
So why don't you
Shape me
make me
Wash me whiter than the snow
I gotta find my way
Back home

Master upon my knees i pray
I just want to be the clay
Put your arms around me
Place my life in your hands
Lord, I know I'm just a man
I know you understand
This time I'm not letting go
Till you
Anoint me
Appoint me
Sometimes I feel so alone
See, I gotta find my way back home
So why don't you
Chastise me
Baptize me
Wash me whiter than the snow
I gotta find my way
'Cause I'm lost and alone
I've been wandering
Long enough to know
Humbly I search for you
And I'm not gonna rest
Till you
Choose me
Use me
Sometimes I feel so alone
I'm on my way back home
So why don't you
Direct me
Bless me
Wash me whiter then the snow
I'm on my way
Back home

The real me!!!

He sees the real me!! I can't escape it... This is me.. Praise GOD,he loves me...

THE REAL ME-NATALIE GRANT

Foolish heart, looks like we're here again.
Same old game of plastic smile,Don't let anybody in.
Hiding my heartache, Will this glass house break?
How much will it take before I'm empty?
Do I let it show?
Does anybody know?

But You see the real me.
Hiding in my skin, broken from within.
Unveil me completely.
I'm loosening my grasp,
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause You see the real me.

Painted on, life is behind a mask,Self-inflicted circus clown.
I'm tired of the song and dance,Living a charade, always on parade.
What a mess I've made of my existence.
But You love me even now
And still I see somehow...

Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When You look at me.

You're turning the tattered fabric of my life Into a perfect tapestry.
Oh, I just wanna be me,I wanna be me.
and you love me just as i am.

wonderful, beautiful is what you see
when you look at me.

Vital!!

"Is the world a better place to live because I do what I do for a living?" I think this is a very important question every single person needs to ask himself or herself,and see if we like the answer we get. If we all took time to really find answer to this simple question, I believe with all my heart that this world will be a better place to live in.

I think many of us spend more time planning for 'urlawk zan' (christmas eve) or 'kumhlui thlah zan' party than we do planning our lives. I've come to realize that I took the LIVE FOR THE MOMENT theme much too seriously than I should. A very good excuse to do what I want to do,moments when I deceive my senses,tell them - 'its ok',this moment may not come again. In the process,I wasted a lot of precious time doing things which should not have been given priority over another. I dont mean to say we should be ultra-careful about each and every thing we do,or alway delay doing things because a better timing may be later. What I want to say is that ( I wish I had known this earlier) - it is a good idea to sit down once in a while and really wrack our brains and strategically plot out what we really want to do in life. This is where the above statement should come in. Do we want to help people? Or be super-rich... zillionaire perhaps ? GOD has blessed us the ability to think,we are definitely capable of finding out where we want to go and how to get there.

When we dont know what we want, its likely that we'll end up in a place where we feel we dont belong. If we know,what is our basic aim in life, even if we're not there at once, we will always find ways to get there,one way or the other.

There is a term, I recently read in a book called the Big Picture by Dr. Ben Carson MD ( I am big fan, I have all his books).. called DELAYED GRATIFICATION... There is this illustration about the cool guys in high school and the nerds... the cool guys in school are the ones with the latest fashion,the girls, the conversation, the jokes and they are basically the right crowd to hang out with. They know all about the latest blockbuster movies and the latest songs and bands. While the nerds are the ones hauling around 20 kgs of books, wear thick glasses and the popular girls wouldnt be caught dead talking to them. Fast forward 10 years, the cool guy's working in a local shop because he never got past high school. While the nerd got into college,got a high paying job with a good company,got contact lenses and the money to pay for designer clothes. He's got a car. So what happens is - all the girls want to know the nerd better. Nobody remembers the cool guy anymore. Role reversal. Delayed gratification.

The average life span in the world would be around around 70 - 75 years. In India, I think about 65-70 years. If we are wise, we would have settled in for what we planned for by the time we are 25 years, we have the next 45-50 years to reap the fruit of our hard work. But if we are not, then we have that much time to suffer the consequences of our doing.

Far too many of us spend our time aimlessly. The hippie slogan of Going where the wind blows' may look very stress-free and cool for our present generation. But the opening statement confers otherwise. We need to plan our lives, even if it means we do go once in a while,opposite to where the wind is blowing, to make this world a better place for others to live in.

Some random thoughts!!

Today,my mind is going round and round thinking about what is happening in this world,in my country and in my state. I know I dont have solutions,but I do know someone who has. I pray that someday he will give me the privilege to do something for the least of these,my brothers. I dont claim to know everything but there are things in my head... constructions out of the bricks of little bits and pieces of information I have gathered over the years from conversations with people,newspaper and magazine articles and most of all,from my observations. I am a nut-case. I just like to think that someday I will be able to make a difference for the poor and the suffering in this world.

I remember something Pa Dina (Kimi's dad) told me some time ago,well before he died. He said to me,"Tluangi,you must'nt do the right thing only because you think,if I do the right thing,GOD will bless me and my family, or if I do the right thing, I will have something to gain, DO THE RIGHT THING BECAUSE IT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO". It was a strong statement and I dont think I will ever forget it. I believe he was someone who was not afraid to suffer for the right reasons. I deeply admire him and I believe his death is a huge loss for our community.

I think as long as we not afraid to suffer, be poor, be looked down upon because we want to do what is right in GOD's eyes,we can never be corrupt ...(in all senses). I believe that GOD sees us,our hearts,our intentions and he responds to us in a way that is the best for us because he loves us. What is right in GOD's eyes? I am still looking for more answers. Definitely, greed and sexual immorality is wrong in GOD's eyes. Pride,selfish ambitions, lies, anger, malice, idolatry.. the list goes on... I realized I am not passionate enough to find out if what I am doing is right in GOD's eyes. Every little thing.

We need to be people who are not afraid to fall. We need to be people who are not afraid to embrace their humanity and the fact that we are only humans,we fall, we sin and maim Jesus's image every now and then. We need to be people who dont use the term Christian as a tag,but truly have the heart and mind of Christ. We need to be Christians who do fall,who stray right and left,but always, rise up and start again. Our judge is not this world, but Christ. I dont think I am wrong in saying this.

There was nothing fair about the cross. Justice is a scary word. Jesus doesnt use these terms to deal with me or anybody else, he speaks GRACE and MERCY. Is that fair if you consider the sins I've committed? No,its not. But,its true.

I am bonkers,I know. I am not an intellectual. I cant think straight for a moment. I cant say for sure,honestly,if I can truly say to Jesus, I love you. I admitted this to my bible teacher one time,and he told me,I think Jesus will appreciate your honesty...hmmm... got me thinking..
He loves me for sure.. and I think the right thing for me or for anyone to do,is to keep on walking in this journey,we've not yet reached perfection, we will someday,and just keep discovering the joy of knowing Christ. There will come a point where I will fall in love with him.

Shifting sand!!!

Sometimes I believe all the lies this world throws and presents itself on my door wrapped in nice papers,so I can do the things I should despise. Everyday I am swayed by whatever is on my mind. I hear it all depends on my faith so I am feeling precarious.. and like a consumer I've thinking if I could just get a bit more,more than my 15 minutes of faith.. then I'd be secure... My faith is like shifting sand,changed by every wave,my faith is like shifting sand,so I stand on grace..( Shifting sand - Caedmon's call )

What would Jesus say??

Today I read an entry by ( I assume!)a Welsh medical student who, (I assume, again) is in India at this moment to have an experience of a developing country. Maybe,she went there with a heart to serve the poor. She went to a hospital where I was working before. Her entries,what she wrote,hurt me,quite honestly. Moreover,it got me thinking, thinking about our commitment to the commandments of Jesus and our understanding of his nature.

Jesus gave his life as a ransom for our sins and all mankind. For the people who were present during his time,and generations to come. He gave his life for ALL. He loves everyone of us. The murderer serving life in a jail,the beggar on the busy streets of Delhi, the fake guide who is on a constant lookout for a tourist he can trick, the pastor who ministers faithfully to his congregation, the farmer who cries over the debt he owes, the lonely woman who is married into a family who doesnt love her as a result of an arranged marriage, the corrupt politician who sits in his office thinking of ways to add more digits to his bank balance, the baby girl who is born unwanted by her family just because she is a girl... Jesus loves all of us. The magnitude of his grace seems to be increasing day by day as I am getting to know more and more about this world we live in.

I saw the movie 'Blood diamond' some months back with my brothers in Delhi. The tickets were expensive.. i thought they were VERY expensive.. Rs.160 which is around £2. There is a scene in the movie where Jennifer Connelly says.. ( I dont remember the exact words anymore).. but something like... I cant think of drinking latte in some cafe while there are people dying of hunger.. poverty here...(Africa). I was crying throughout that movie and when she said those words.. they struck me hard because I know the hardship faced by our fellow men so well from my experiences as an intern in Lady Hardinge Medical College and hospitals and in a small mission hospital in UP... I am here in Cardiff for about 5 months. I have been here for almost 3 months now. I am facing a totally different challenge here living with a relative with Alzheimer's (an experience i am grateful to GOD for). But,the thing is,everytime, I open the newspaper in the morning,or listen to the news on the radio or the television,reality strikes me. Every little thing the medical student criticized and made fun of in her blog is the reality. The fact that they are poor and totally pitiful and miserable is not their fault. It is sad and it is real. The fact that most of the families in rural India will spend less £10 for their monthly ration is true. There are so many things to worry for us. There is no space to think for luxury or adventure in our minds when we are thinking about feeding hungry stomachs for the day.. tomorrow is still a long way to go... We dont think about vacationing in St.Tropez or Ibiza. Not even in our wildest dreams because there are bigger things like a kg of rice to consider.

Jesus loves us. The rest of the world doesnt care. It is busy stocking up treasures on this earth where moth eats away. We,Christians have an inheritance which cannot perish,even though we may suffer on this earth,there is heaven prepared for us. Praise GOD!!! But what about those who are suffering here on this earth,and will never get to heaven because they've never heard about Jesus and his love for them.

What would Jesus say about our reaction to the poor in this world? We may not be required to go to them... but we can pray... for nameless faces... If we make fun of them because they speak and write English incorrectly (I dont think we'd be required to speak in English in heaven) ,judge them because of their nature,traditions,or customs or criticize them and never once think about loving them or pray for them .. I believe Jesus will definitely have something to say to us and we may not like it..
GOD bless!!